


Don't Worry, Be Happy

by ALPHAwolf



Series: The Amazing Adventures of Daddypool and Baby Boy [7]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Awkwardness, Butt Dialing, Drinking, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, accidental outing self, something no dad or uncle Happy wants to hear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 08:26:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13877025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALPHAwolf/pseuds/ALPHAwolf
Summary: When Tony and Happy find out Peter is dating a guy it happens in the worst way possible.





	Don't Worry, Be Happy

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Don't Worry, Be Happy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14125599) by [ALPHAwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALPHAwolf/pseuds/ALPHAwolf), [Tashi_Rinzen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tashi_Rinzen/pseuds/Tashi_Rinzen)



> Wrote this to quench some spideypool feels! Just to clarify, this series combines comic Peter, Andrew Garfield Peter and Tom Holland Peter to make the ULTIMATE BABY BOY.  
> Warning overuse of italics!  
> All the usual disclaimers! (I normally forget to say that but nvm)

Aesthetic for this series can be found here->[ https://alphaalnitak.tumblr.com/post/172098333260/aesthetic-for-my-series-the-adventures-of](https://alphaalnitak.tumblr.com/post/172098333260/aesthetic-for-my-series-the-adventures-of)

 

* * *

 

 

“The generator is stable, compound defences are updated and fully online, urrr...” Happy looked over his tablet notes as Tony tinkered inattentively at his lab desk, sometimes giving small noises of approval. “Vision took a fly around the building, accidentally scared Pepper when he floated past her window.”

“I’ll have another talk to him.” Stark replied in a mumble, most of his focus devoted to the device in his hand. There wasn’t much point in talking to the AI about it though. Sure, Vision was doing his best, but he still hadn’t even grasped why it wasn’t appropriate to walk into a room without invitation, although he had stopped phasing into the bathroom and toilet which was an improvement. In the mean time he’d just have to give Pepper two way glass to make her feel a bit more comfortable. “What else?”

“Uumm, Rhodey’s doing a lot better since he started with that physiotherapist.” Happy commented on a lighter note, sending Tony a smile.

“She pretty?” The billionaire asked without looking up.

“Ur, well, well we only met briefly-” The security guard stuttered, “I-I mean she’s certainly not ugly-”

“ _Don’t worry~ be happy~_ ”

Tony’s brow furrowed as the familiar tune unexpectedly rang out, interrupting Happy’s uncomfortable gossip. Both immediately turned their attention to the Stark employee’s singing pocket.

“ _Don’t worry be happy now~_ ”

The burly man hurriedly fished around for his mobile whilst the ring tone continued, struggling frantically when the device became caught as he attempted to yank it out. Thankfully he quickly managed to get it loose, smiling in a flustered fashion at Tony’s raised brow. Happy looked down at the screen with a cough, his eyes rolling as he recognised the ID (despite his relief it wasn’t his mother).

“It’s the kid.” He explained with slight exasperation.

“Answer it.” Tony instructed, curiosity perked as he put down his screwdriver and whatever it was he was fiddling. “Put it on speaker.” He added, standing and wiping his filthy hands semi-clean with an old rag. Happy nodded and held the smart phone up between them, finally hitting the green button and answering the call.

“Hey kid.” Tony greeted as the music stopped. A second of silence later both gave one another a slightly confused look, before moving their ears closer to the speaker. They were met with nothing but a kind of... muffled rustling?

“... Hey kid you there?”

“ _Nnnn_ -!” The two’s eyes widened at the unexpected, indistinguishable sound.

“...Peter?” Some more rustling, and another sound. A whimper? No, more like a whine crossed with a gasp. Was he injured? “Peter are you okay?” Tony couldn’t hide the edge of concerned urgency to his voice, listening closely to every hardly audible movement.

“ _Ahhh_ -”

“Pe-?!”

“ _Ahhhhh_ ~!!”

Both Happy and Tony’s heads flinched away from the phone, eyes wide. That... That was an unmistakable sound. A moan.

“ _Oh-oh my god!_ ” Happy’s mouth fell open just as a sharp gasp came from the other end of the line. It was almost incomprehensible! The kid was getting some!? “ _Oh my goooaaawd~!_ ” Wait... WAS _**THAT**_ PETER!?

“ _Holyshit_ -” Now who the hell was that!? “ _Holy shit babyyou are sooo good- soo amazing- holyshitso fucking_ _ **tiiight**_ _Peteeeey~_ ”

Neither could believe their ears. That... was either a man’s voice... or a really butch woman. Somehow Tony wasn’t betting on the latter.

“Turn it off.” Tony demanded, breaking Happy from his shocked trance.

“ _Oooohhh_ ~!” He fumbled for the button as another filthy sound slipped through the speaker.

“Turn it off!”

“ _Ahhhh_ ~!”

“I-I’m trying!” Happy desperately tried to shut it off with his sweaty hands, somehow managing to change apps entirely without stopping the call. “I lost the screen-!”

“ _Ooohhh fuck~!_ ”

“ _Oh baby, baby you are sosogood~_ ”

Unable to hear another gasp Tony grabbed the phone out of the guards hands, quickly finding that he two couldn’t manage to find his way back to the right screen fast enough. Instead he decided the best course of action was the violently fling it at the wall.

“ _W-Wa~-!_ ”

The horrifying sounds ended abruptly with a loud crack. The mobile managed to make a reasonable dent in the wall before falling to the floor in pieces, both horrified men staring at the evil device without blinking as a deafening silence filled the room. Neither could hope more that the silence might actually swallow them whole.

The painful quiet was only made worse when Happy decided to speak a full 60 seconds of awkward later.

“So um... Shall we just not talk about that or-?”

“Get out.” Tony snapped quietly, still in shock.

“Yep- yep okay.” The man nodded and hurried less than gracefully towards the sliding door, tapping his foot impatiently in the second it took to open. When it did he practically leapt out, intent on pretending the whole incident ever happened.

It took Tony a few more moments to return to Earth, slowly sitting himself back down at his desk. He stared at the dented wall blankly, studying the cracked paint in a kind of daze.

It was impossible to tell how long passed (probably only a few seconds) before the door suddenly slid open again and Happy hurried back in.

“I just-” He hurried over to the mobile and picked it up, electing to leave the shards of glass and plastic behind. “Going now.” He then ran straight back out, leaving Tony once again in his paralysed silence to process what the hell had just happened.

Five minutes later and he was still no closer to accepting what he’d just heard, instead opening the bottom desk draw and grabbing out the two litre bottle of scotch he had stashed there for emergency’s.

As he cracked the top open it became apparent the only way to deal with this was to never bring it up or speak of it ever again, so he took a large gulp of whisky and let it burn down his throat, relishing the knowledge it wouldn’t be long till he forgot even his own name.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked! Remember to Kudos~


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